Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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