Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
