you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
