John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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