Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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