ADVERTISEMENT

• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm going to rape that little man

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  omg not your brother

  Fav 3 1203 1703

  share tweet
  

• (631): View more from New York

  dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

  Fav 8 3580 1066

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Fav 68 9868 1306

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...

  Fav 5 3287 1591

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

  Fav 3 2764 1078

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

  Fav 3 2542 1086

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.

  Fav 13 1234 3312

  share tweet
  

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.

  Fav 15 1533 6049

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up

  Fav 3 2551 1314

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

  Fav 10 3052 1316

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

  Fav 0 1010 772

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!

  Fav 1 819 518

  share tweet
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.

  Fav 3 650 280

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.

  Fav 0 70 27

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.

  Fav 0 53 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize