new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
