Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
