If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
