Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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