Where is the hickey?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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