How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
