his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
