I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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