my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His nipple licking is glorious
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
