how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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