you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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