My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize