you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
