apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
