You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
