I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
