I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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