your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We need to rekindle our bromance
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
