i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
