dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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