We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
