When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize