it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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