Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize