So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
