Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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