Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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