finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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