It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
