I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
