This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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