Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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