mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
