haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
