she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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