She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
