I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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