I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
