My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
