Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize