Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
