He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
