You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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