I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
