Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
