She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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