I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
