and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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