I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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