Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
