Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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