You're completely useless in the revolution.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize