he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
