i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We are two peas in an std pod
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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