Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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