Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize