the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Come share oat with me in your robe
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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