At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
either way he was missing a nipple.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
