roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
