It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
