so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
