Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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