I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
