I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
