I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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